


tug of war

by lovedeterrence



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-13
Updated: 2016-01-13
Packaged: 2018-05-13 17:08:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5710306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovedeterrence/pseuds/lovedeterrence
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a short reflection and introspection from Lapis as her and Jasper continue their power struggle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	tug of war

**Author's Note:**

> i am not sure why lapis ended up so dark but like... it's cool. it's fine. first jaspis thing hooray!

It’s not love. But it’s something. You feel it and it shakes you to your core. You’re bad for each other. You’re bad for each other and you know it and anyone who looks at the two of you for a second can see it. But there’s something about this that sucks you in completely. Is it the power struggle? Is it the rush that you feel when she finally submits to your will? When you can finally be strong and have control over something again? If the world ends, she’ll die with you. You’re not alone anymore, and though your consciousness constantly battles for dominance against hers, the moments where you both resonate you feel like maybe she isn’t so bad. Maybe this isn’t so bad. And when the ocean crashes around your fused bodies and swallows you both whole, you feel in some twisted way that you’ve almost found a home.

Is it the crippling loneliness you’ve felt for so long what makes you find comfort in her presence? Or is there actually something about her? Does her strength make you feel safe? Does being malachite make you feel powerful? Does winning against her make you feel better about yourself? Does her rash and brutish brain differ so strongly from yours that you almost welcome the chance to escape from yourself? Or have you both been fused for so long that you are beginning to warm up to her naturally? Is that even possible?

Question after question barrages your inner thoughts as you chain her to your will. You feel yourself wavering. She can feel what you’re thinking and you know she can, but her thoughts are similar, though not quite as profound. She was once hostile towards you and was ready to eradicate you the first chance she got, but now you feel something different in her. You aren’t sure what the feeling is, but you aren’t sure what your feelings are. You feel anger stemming from her and you sympathize. Anger is an emotion you are familiar with. But as you delve further into her psyche you feel something warm and fierce and the feeling comforts you in the deepest parts of your own mind. You think long and hard about this emotion, trying to figure out what it is. You remember feeling it before. You remember feeling it when talking to Steven. And then it hits you that this feeling is protectiveness. She has become protective of you in her own warped way in this mess of a fusion, and disaster of a relationship.

Though you both don’t trust each other, and even particularly like each other, there is something developing and something stirs in you when you think about her, and it rages like the monster that you both form together. In an irrational moment, you feel yourself release her. You’re not sure why you did it. Curiosity?

You wait after releasing her, allowing her to have her way, waiting for the fusion to end and for you both to become yourselves again, for malachite to disappear. You wait and it doesn’t come. You wait for her to take control, and that doesn’t come either. You feel her submission. You know that she knows that she is free to take over, but for some reason she does not and you can’t understand her emotions. You wait for her to wrench herself away. You wait for her to dominate you and for your psyche to disappear. She doesn’t run. She doesn’t take over. You don’t think that she can understand her emotions. But you feel that warmth radiating from her again, and something else. Some sort of weird, pathetic, broken, longing, and your heart twinges in response. Without thinking rationally, you allow your consciousness to embrace hers and she responds welcomingly. You can’t describe this moment as anything other than intimate, intimacy with your captor and captive. You both melt into each other, and you allow yourselves to dissipate, properly fusing with her for the first time. We’re malachite now.


End file.
